it’s so sad when you crave someone you can’t have
Cannibalism is frowned upon in most societies
alternatively if someone asks you what you did today just grimly look down at your hands and say “something I should have done a long time ago…”
- baby: d... d... d...
- father: ...dad? omg you are going to say dad as your first word!!!
- baby: d... dONT WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT
- baby: *guitar sounds from baby's mouth*
my mother just threw a wagon wheel at me
How the fuck did she get the wheel off a wagon? Do people still have wagons? Why are they destroying them to throw?? Australia’s weird
You know that moment when you’re reading a book and you just have to stop and bite your lip and squeal or sigh or close your eyes and wrinkle your nose and forehead and press the book against your heart and just like sit there and try to soak up the gorgeous literature via osmosis?
That’s my favorite part of reading.
whenever i’m sad i like to imagine what possible crime Steve Irwin’s ancestor committed to warrant him being sent to Australia like some Victorian gentleman escorting a lady to the zoo past the crocodile enclosure and going “do you see that great wyrm sunning itself there? quite a striking creature, is it not? I do believe I shall engage it in fisticuffs.”
being cremated is my last hope of getting a hot, smoking body